To try and to fail?

- 21
- flatting for 3 years now
- can cook
- almost finished the degree
- keeps the house relatively clean, buys toilet rolls, occasionally cooks vegetables and has insurance
- adult?

wait a second; adult?

I remember being probably 16 and thinking about the future, as I am prone to do, and imagining myself to have finished my degree, be on my way to a successful career in a field related to my degree, healthy relationships with both friends and a boyfriend (lol), travel plans underway etc. etc. etc.

Have I achieved any of these? Well I suppose I do have a good group of friends, in fact I have a great group of friends and when we all manage to get our busy schedules to line up we have a great time (money allowing)!
As for the rest of my expectations; am I a failure for not meeting them or were they just entirely unrealistic in the first place? For a long time I felt like I was a failure. Every time I struggled to pay rent or bills or get together enough funds to feed myself I had no idea how to pluck up enough courage to go to my parents for help. I felt like I had failed for not being able to afford the things I needed.
Finished my degree? Nope, not yet. Changing my mind throughout my degree put me behind; both temporally and financially. And to be honest, I'm not even sure how much I like my degree. Am I going to use it? Do I want a career relating to ecology and biodiversity and a minor in history? Either? Neither? Do I want a career in something wildly unrelated such as politics. Ok, definitely not politics but perhaps still something unrelated to anything I have learnt during my university career.
Currently I am doing childcare a few days a week. I used to work as a telemarketer but the downsized and now I'm close to not even earning enough to pay rent and bills each week! Jobs are tricky to get I've found. I am under-qualified for anything requiring a degree, given that I'm still finishing off one paper for it. I'm also overqualified for most of the entry-level, minimum wage type jobs. It seems employers are a bit scared I won't hang around for long once I get my degree, which, to be fair, might happen. So I'm not left with a lot of options. I do look for jobs and apply for lots of jobs each week don't get me wrong, but if you know of anything suitable let me know! I don't really want to give up my childcare job since I love the family but sometimes needs must! For now my parents are helping me out financially (I'll be able to eat properly this week!) despite how much of a failure it makes me feel. My dad says I'm too young to have total money worries and I suppose I am incredibly grateful!
Travel plans of course rely on my financial situation so currently they are non-existent :(
So based on my original list all I am managing to achieve is healthy relationships with my friends (I won't even mention the boyfriend aspect lol).
Is it fair to say I'm a failure based on this list? I think not. 21 year old me has a much better understanding of the world than 16 year old me (and probably a more cynical view) and thus I think a review of what I am achieving in life is in order. Knowing what I now know I don't think I am a failure but given the word count I am sitting on I think I won't delve into that today!

If you've manage to stick with this mildly depressing post I applaud you! I really encourage you all to look at your life and to reevaluate your goals and achievements. Things change, the world changes and you change! It is entirely unfair to beat yourself up over things to set out to achieve even a year ago! So take some time to realise that the only way you're a failure is if you label yourself as one!

Love yourself!

xx
nzunigirl